In a mood for nonsense

[tenebra_uk]

James

Unwisely, Santa offered a teddy bear to James, unaware that he had ben mauled by a gizzly earlier that year.

Tim Burton


Food for thought :grntngue:

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by tenebra
James

Unwisely, Santa offered a teddy bear to James, unaware that he had ben mauled by a gizzly earlier that year.

Tim Burton


Food for thought :grntngue:

You abandon us for all the day and then want us to think? You are evil .... :dark:

[Whitewolf]

Hmm.....?Whazzat?

[2potscreama]

I cant be fussed to format this, so just read it.

>There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
>world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
>Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
>workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million
>(according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)
>rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,
>presuming there is at least one good child in each.
>
>
>Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
>different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to
>west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
>
>This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child,
>Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump
>down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents
>under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up
>the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
>
>Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
>around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept
>for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78
>miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting
>bathroom stops or breaks.
>
>This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times
>the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made
>vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second,
>and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
>
>The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
>that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two
>pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting
>Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than
>300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times
>the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of
>them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload,
>not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly
>seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the
>monarch).
>
>600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
>resistance--this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a
>spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
>would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In
>short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the
>reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
>
>The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths
>of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on
>his trip.
>
>Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
>from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
>acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
>ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015
>pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing
>him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
>Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
>
>Merry Christmas!

[Nick Shub]

Santa's dead, 2pots?:cry:

Hehe, so that's why Santa never visited me. Well, he would probably have brought me a grizzly anyway...:bigeye:

[Whitewolf]

My conclusion is that,if Santa had a boss,that boss must have been one helluva slave driver.....

[2potscreama]

probably his wife

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Did he even have a wife???

[Understudy]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
lol.
Did he even have a wife??? Yup. her name was 'Merry'....

:lolblue: :grngrin: :grntngue: :grngrin: :lolblue:

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Husband beater! :D

Interesting how science can prove anything,Screma.lol

[2potscreama]

"give me a spade and a place to stand, and i'll move some earth." - aristotle

or something like that anyway...

[Whitewolf]

lol.
This reminds me of something funny....

[2potscreama]

enlighten us, oh small furry one

[Whitewolf]

Well,okay.
If you have played Metal Gear Solid 2,there's a guy in it who keeps messing up on the sayings and whatnot he tells you.
The sayings are correct,his definations of them are not.

[Minos]

The dark side of Christmas eh? What about the Tooth Fairies then? :eekblue:

(I hope you can read the text – this forum, rather irritatingly, allows images up to 640 wide by 480 high... but not 640 high by 480 wide :bigeye: An unacceptable bias towards landscape format pictures, in my opinion! :wierdblu: )

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
Well,okay.
If you have played Metal Gear Solid 2,there's a guy in it who keeps messing up on the sayings and whatnot he tells you.
The sayings are correct,his definations of them are not.

you mean Otacon.

and he aint funny, he's an annoying git who talks too much, wets himself and cries a lot.

[Warspite]

"Algy met a bear
The Bear met Algy
The bear was bulgy
The bulge was Algy"

What?!! You mean the microphone was on this whole time???!!!
What will people think??? :eek: :confused:

[Diablo]

Originally posted by Nick Shub
Santa's dead, 2pots?:cry:

Hehe, so that's why Santa never visited me. Well, he would probably have brought me a grizzly anyway...:bigeye:


ehmm...Tenebra...didn´t you say that you had some troubles during the flight to England....I think I know the reason.... :rollani: :bigeye: http://www.discocow.com/comedyzone/pictures/santaclaus/santa.jpg

[Whitewolf]

Yep,Otacon.
After a while,if you contact him lots,he'll get scolded by someone from MGS.

Aww,poor Santa!

[Diablo]

Who the hell is Otacon ?

Your Santa in Malaysia

[Whitewolf]

Otacon:Otaku Convention.The convention for anime and manga.
Oh,not that Otacon.....
Otacon is a character from the game,Metal Gear Solid.

And if Santa really existed,and lived in Malaysia,we'd all be getting rip-offs of Spiderman and Superman toys......

[Diablo]

huh ? What has Spiderman got to do with it now ? BTW: Seen the movie ? Was great ,huh? :grngrin: :tup:


So..you like Mangas then...THAT is pervert ! :eekblue:

[Whitewolf]

What's so perverted about Gundam,Macross and the like?lol

As for SPiderman,no,I haven't seen the movie,yet.
And the thing about Singapore and Malaysia(and pretty much the rest of the region) has stores selling bootleg toys.lol

[Diablo]

I don´t know...I just..ehmm..there are only very few Mangas that I like....hmm..I cannot remeber the names really... :rollani:

[Whitewolf]

Hehe.
Let me guess,do you read Love Hina?hehehehe.....

[Diablo]

I don´t mean characters...I mean movie names... :wierdblu:

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Love Hina is a Manga,and it's a......well,how to put it...ahh,nevermind.lol

[2potscreama]

he's into the old Hentai?

[Whitewolf]

lol.
*paws Diablo*
Diablo Hentai!

[WingCommander]

This is Diablo ;
proffesion: slave
he has 1 HP
....

Where did I heard this.... :grngrin:

[Diablo]

huh? What ? Where is that from?

Hey...I saw once a Hentai...yuk....there were zobies in it raping a woman...IS THAT FUNNY ? :bigeye: :tdown:

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by Diablo
huh? What ? Where is that from?

Hey...I saw once a Hentai...yuk....there were zobies in it raping a woman...IS THAT FUNNY ? :bigeye: :tdown:

And you are the pervert here? What a deception !!! :(

[Diablo]

Ask good old Whitey or Potsy... :rollani: :bigeye:

[WingCommander]

newbie...

[Whitewolf]

Wot?Me?Watch hentai?
NEVER!
lol

[Diablo]

Never? I don´t believe you..tse....I bet you have all Hentais available in Asia ! :eek:

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by Diablo
Never? I don´t believe you..tse....I bet you have all Hentais available in Asia ! :eek:

He would need a huge building for storing that...

[Whitewolf]

1) I don't have any interest in hentai.
2) I don't have a place big enough to store them all even if I did watch hentai.
Hehe :D

[Warspite]

1) I have no idea anymore what any of you are talking about.
2) Nobody is to shoot me down, sink me or blow me up at any point today.
3)There has not been any quality nonsense in this thread for a good few hours. For real nonsense, we must rely on Spike milligan, the finest goon that ever lived -

'The RTO gave me a travel warrent, a white feather and a picture of Hitler marked "This is your enemy". I checked every compartment, but he wasn't on the train'
Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall
:bigeye:

[Understudy]

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked:

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."

[Understudy]

BTW: Warspite, have you truely never heard of hentai??? :confused:

[tenebra_uk]

:eekblue: :lolblue:

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by tenebra
:eekblue: :lolblue:

Ah! It was about time you made your appearance, you abandoned us!! traitor!! :sour: :madred:

[Warspite]

I'm guessing it's an agricultural product used to tie chickens together ......

I have no idea what Hentai is -I'm sorry :confused:

when I was a kid, comics meant the Victor for 8 pence on a Saturday morning. No Zombies. :blush:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by WingCommander


Ah! It was about time you made your appearance, you abandoned us!! traitor!! :sour: :madred:

I would never...sorry, just having nightmares with a brain-challenged landlord :rollani:

[Understudy]

Originally posted by tenebra
I would never...sorry, just having nightmares with a brain-challenged landlord :rollani: Italians! :rollani:

Shout and wave hands about first..... Sit down with an expresso to think about it later... :grntngue:

[tenebra_uk]

I hate shouting...It's been the first time in years I've really lost my temper :blush: Yes, I'm sitting down considering revenge... :dark:

[Understudy]

Originally posted by tenebra
I'm sitting down considering revenge... :dark: That explains the storm clouds that are gathering over London.... :confblue:

Where did the sun go??? :confused:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Understudy
Where did the sun go??? :confused:

Behind my darkest halo :dark:

[Understudy]

Cheer up Tenny,

After all, all he can do is throw all your possessions out into the street... :grntngue: :wierdblu:



ermm... I'll shut up now.... :rollani:

[WingCommander]

I can make tha guy regret for that for a couple of whisky bottles. If you are interested you know where to find me... :dark:

[Understudy]

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:

"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?" :eekblue:

[Understudy]

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."Its my favourite, but I fear that its one of those 'English Language' ones :grngrin:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Understudy
Cheer up Tenny,
After all, all he can do is throw all your possessions out into the street... :grntngue: :wierdblu:


The worst that can happen to him is having to pay a few hundred grants to the tax people and being jailed for fraud :dark:

I'm a sweet little creature but I can look after myself :angel:

[Understudy]

http://www.userfriendly.org/cartoons/archives/02jun/uf004342.gif

Tenny-tubby attacks....

All credit to Illiad visit his site (http://www.userfriendly.org)

[tenebra_uk]

:lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue:

[Minos]

Exactly!

Wait till after dark, then call on him, tear open his jugular vein, suck every drop of blood from his worthless body and leave him slumped and lifeless in front of his TV set.

You'll feel better then.

...Mind you, you did always say you weren't a vampire, just an unspecified Tenebrio (Nocturnal Visitant) :dark: – hence the harmless joke that went down so well about you being a succubus... :rollani:

Still! Either way, you could visit him and leave him drained and lifeless! :tup:

[Understudy]

Look what its made me do...... (especially bad, as I only know the first line, and have been singing it my head for the last two hours...)

Thank you, Nolans!
*I'm in the mood for dancing, romancin'
Ooh, I'm givin' it all tonight,
I'm in the mood for chancin'
I feel like dancin'
Ooh so come on and hold me tight.


Dancin', I'm in the mood Babe,
So let the music play,
Ooh, I'm dancin', I'm in the groove babe,
So get up and let your body sway.

I'm in the mood for dancin', romancin'
You know I shan't ever stop tonight,
I'm in the mood for chancin'
I feel like dancin'
Ooh from head to my toe,
Take me again,
And heaven who knows,
Just where it will end,

So dance,yeah lets dance,, come on and dance,
Dance,yeah lets dance,come on and dance
*(repeat)
Dancin' just feel the beat babe, That's all you've gotta do,
I can't stop dancin',
So move your feet babe, 'cause Honey when I get up close to you

I'm in the mood for dancin', romancin',
You know I shan't ever stop tonight,
I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood,
I'm in the mood to dance,
Yeah lets dance, come on and dance,
I'm in the mood so baby dance,
Yeah lets dance, come on and dance,
I'm in the mood to take a chance,
Yeah lets dance, come on and dance,
Get on your feet now baby dance,
Yeah lets dance, come on and dance,
can't you hear the music baby dance,
Yeah lets dance, come on and dance...

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Minos
Wait till after dark, then call on him, tear open his jugular vein, suck every drop of blood from his worthless body and leave him slumped and lifeless in front of his TV set.


Aaaaah! :eekblue: I can't even bear the thought of that! :bigeye: He's a slimy fashion photographer... :wierdblu: ...he's been trying to get that for the past 2 years...I think I'm about to feel sick :cry:

Understudy, I think it's time you go down the pub and have a strong one :grntngue:

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by tenebra

Understudy, I think it's time you go down the pub and have a strong one :grntngue:

agree on this

[Minos]

Originally posted by tenebra
Aaaaah! :eekblue: I can't even bear the thought of that! :bigeye: He's a slimy fashion photographer... :wierdblu: ...he's been trying to get that for the past 2 years...I think I'm about to feel sick :cry: Hmm... That's it! He invited you round to his place, tried to take advantage of your virginal innocence, and, remembering what your mother told you, you hacked off his head with the first thing that came to hand – that 6ft felling axe you'd brought along with you!

No jury could fail to be swayed by that one! :bounce:

...especially when they found that last-minute change to his will that left all his propertly to you!

[tenebra_uk]

Empty hand training (kara te) :grntngue: Which means, freeze your enemy with your eyes first and if that doesn't work kick him in his sheen :grngrin:

He came around to collect the rent and invited me to have dinner at his place...I gave him the dosh and slammed the door :grngrin:

[2potscreama]

My name is Fred Franackerpan,
I walk about the town.
Sometimes with my trousers up,
Sometimes with them down.
And when they were up, they were up,
And when they were down, they were down.
And when they were only half way up,
I was arrested.

The dear departed Spike Milligan, who missed his train the first time.

[Whitewolf]

Hahaha.
That's a funny one,Screama!

[2potscreama]

If you call me Screma once more, I'm gonna chop one of your ears off while dancing to "Stuck In The Middle" by Bob Dylan!

[Understudy]

Heh! Reminds me of a girl I used to know.... :rollani:

*hngh* best not talk about that, eh? :eekblue:

[2potscreama]

What, she kept calling you "Underpantsstudy" so you chopped one of her ears off?

EDIT - Just hit 666 posts - Am I cool or what? :lolblue:

[Understudy]

You're gonna have to stop posting then???? :confused:

A modern dilema - to look cool or to speak.. :grngrin:


Congrats BTW.

[2potscreama]

Nah, 666 has come and gone. More important matters at hand.


Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be.
And half a bee has got to be a vis a vis it's entity... you see?
But can a bee be said to be, or not to be, an entire bee;
When half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?

[Whitewolf]

lol.Sorry,2potscreama!
*embarrassed look(

[2potscreama]

Its Scre A ma! As in Scream! There's an A in it! Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Right, where's my Bob Dylan tape...

[Whitewolf]

Ohh,sorry!
*embarrassed look*
I'll go edit my previous posts now...don't be mad..

[2potscreama]

*sings and dance along, sharpening his razor blade*

Well I dont know why I came here tonight...
I got the feeling that something aint right...

[Whitewolf]

Erm,2potscreama?
*waves paws in front of him*
You all right?

[2potscreama]

You're lucky Wolf. It was gonna be Resevoir Dogs all over again.

Anyway, did anyone actually read the bee thing?

[Warspite]

Eric the Half a bee?

No. :devil:

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Bee ting?
*looks at previous posts in thread*

[2potscreama]

la di di, one two three, eric the half-a-bee
a, b, c, d, e, f, g, eric the half-a-bee

I love this hive emloyee, bisected accidentally
one summer afternoon by me, i love him carnally
semi carnally
the end

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by 2potscreama
i love him carnally

:eekblue: :confblue: :wierdblu: :bigeye:
I think we shold open another thread to discuss

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Strangely,the nonsense on this thread is getting....nonsensical.lol