Ghost Town

[Warspite]

Last week we mentioned a conspiracy about vegetables taking over the Earth (not in my BLOODY kitchen! :devil: ) and now everyone has disappeared, just like that guy who first spotted the conspira.......

*kKKKKHH..(static)*

[Whitewolf]

"Warspite?Come in,Warspite?WARSPITE?"

[2potscreama]

They'll never take me alive!

Um, wait. Let me think about that one...

[Minos]

In similar vein, in the paper today I read this line written by a film critic:

Frankly I'd rather gargle battery acid than have to watch it again.Please, oh please, God, hold him to it – we can afford to lose a few critcs. In fact we can afford to lose all of the smug-faced *******s – why on earth are they given paid employment at all? The idea that we need someone to tell us whether something has artistic merit or not, instead of forming our own judgement, seems utterly bizarre to me. It's not as if they even make constructive criticisms; all they're doing is trying to show how clever they are in a vain attempt to win public esteem.

There again, as the well-known Hans Andersen story The Emperor's New Clothes shows, I guess there always will be people who prefer to be told what to say in such matters, for fear of appearing out of tune with society...

[Minos]

By the way, don't believe all that nonsense about vegetables taking over the world! They are our friends!

You believe me, don't you?

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by Minos
By the way, don't believe all that nonsense about vegetables taking over the world! They are our friends!

You believe me, don't you?

Sorry, my atheistic religion inhibits me to believe in people with a patch in one of their eyes.... :angel:

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by Minos
In similar vein, in the paper today I read this line written by a film critic:

Please, oh please, God, hold him to it – we can afford to lose a few critcs. In fact we can afford to lose all of the smug-faced *******s – why on earth are they given paid employment at all? The idea that we need someone to tell us whether something has artistic merit or not, instead of forming our own judgement, seems utterly bizarre to me. It's not as if they even make constructive criticisms; all they're doing is trying to show how clever they are in a vain attempt to win public esteem.

There again, as the well-known Hans Andersen story The Emperor's New Clothes shows, I guess there always will be people who prefer to be told what to say in such matters, for fear of appearing out of tune with society...

I remember one cinema critic in my country saying when X-MEN was released:

The best of the movie is the buffet we were invited to by the Company...

In fact the film was worse than bad in my opinion, but evaluating something by just an easy joke it takes me out of the nerves

[2potscreama]

Smug people? You wanna talk about smug people?

Chefs, especially celebrity chefs, but all chefs really. Good ones, I mean, the ones with the snooty attitude who think what this world really needs is another braised quot quot in a rococo of cuscus.

And people who like all that **** like Antony Thompson and
Oz Clarke and all those food critics.

By Christ, when your life's specialty is forcing another morsel of over-glazed lamb chop down your oily, globular, over-opinionated gullet; when, of all the things in the world men are called to do, of all the vocations of love and adventure, of all the trials of the emotions and amongst all the voyages of spirit mankind can embark upon; when, given this whole universe of possible callings, the one you choose is to sit on your crapulent ***** and lazily whine about someone else's cooking, that's when you know you are at the very acme of the smug ******* **** heap.

[Minos]

Well, there are critics and there are critics of course – the remarks made by some, as you say, can be refreshing to read. And of course sometimes I entirely agree with their comments. I don't have a problem with this type.

What I was referring to are the sort who seem to think their sole purpose in life is to make sarcastic comments about works of art (whether books, films or paintings), while never having actually produced anything worthwhile themselves. Their comments don't seem to be a serious attempt to encourage 'better' art, but just to puff themselves up; to make people thing how clever and witty they are. That's the type that irritates me.

I've been called a smug ******* myself, which is true, but I don't get paid for the remarks I make... :rollani:

[2potscreama]

I do. Cos I do all mine at work. Hehe.

[Warspite]

Well thanks for the concern everyone - I have just retaken the bridge, but there is puree evrywhere now, and I've broken the three blenders we had in the galley :eek:

There is still a Jersey Royal New Potato scuba-suicide squad locked in one of the engine rooms, but i am going to roast 'em out, and then have a nice bit of lamb with the crew afterwards :D

[Minos]

That's what they all say when they've become part of the Vegetable Plot! :confblue:

They've taken over his brain – any message he posts now will be meaningless!

Trust no one! :wierdblu:

[Warspite]

Originally posted by Minos
That's what they all say when they've become part of the Vegetable Plot! :confblue:

They've taken over his brain – any message he posts now will be meaningless!

Trust no one! :wierdblu:

If my messages from now on are going to be meaningless, how will you tell? If you compare with the pre-vegetable attack messages, I doubt you will find any rationale behind anything I've ever posted :blush:

*PS I have industrial quantities of Vegetable Bouillon cubes available now, if anyone wants*

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by Warspite


If you compare with the pre-vegetable attack messages, I doubt you will find any rational behind anything I've ever posted :blush:


This is true. I've tried.

[Whitewolf]

*sniffs around the ship*
Do you need help with the invading veggies?

[Understudy]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
*sniffs around the ship*The question that I'm currently pondering is:

Why do I find someone impersonating a dog so much more disturbing than someone impersonating a warship? :confused:

I guess it has something to do with this whole sniffing thing :rollani:

[Warspite]

Do you turn your nose up at me sir?

*SNIFFS haughtily* :bigeye:

[Whitewolf]

I'm not a dog,I'm a....oh,nevermind....

[WingCommander]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
I'm not a dog,I'm a....oh,nevermind....

A furball? :devil:

[tenebra_uk]

:lolblue: I thought it was well time to change victim :grntngue: We should have some sort of rota :grngrin:

[2potscreama]

Who's turn is it today then?

[tenebra_uk]

Let's have a poll :bounce:

[2potscreama]

I think I'd prefer insults on an ad hoc basis.

[tenebra_uk]

Haddock :devil:

[2potscreama]

A mate of mine used to work at the Odeon cinema in Leeds. This old scruffy drunk guy would wonder in at least twice a week, yell "Haddock!" at the guy in the booth, who would promptly charge him to see the worst film showing that week, and direct him to the appropriate screen.

I thought he was making it up, until I saw it with my own eyes. You had to feel sorry for the poor old bugger. He must have seen Unbreakable at least 8 times.

[Whitewolf]

So,who won the vote?
Or has it started yet?lol

[2potscreama]

Well, who havent we mocked yet this week?

[Whitewolf]

Wingcommander?
2pots?
Aha,I know!
DIABLO!

[tenebra_uk]

Hmm...Mr Undercurrent has had a pretty easy week so far :dark:

[2potscreama]

Right. This week, it's Undercrackers. Purgatory!

[Whitewolf]

ooooo........
So......who's next?

[2potscreama]

Look, just hold your bloody horses there.

Let's just get this week out of the way first.

Next week we'll pick a new target.

[tenebra_uk]

Purgatory? I'd say Undercroft :dark:

[WingCommander]

Can I suggest 2pots as new target?
I can't remember the last time we did it.... :devil:

[2potscreama]

Underpants.

[Whitewolf]

Whoever's next,I don't mind.lol

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by WingCommander
Can I suggest 2pots as new target?
I can't remember the last time we did it.... :devil:

Last Thursday

[Whitewolf]

lol,you remembered?wow

[2potscreama]

rofl

[Whitewolf]

So,who hasn't been blasted in over a week?

[2potscreama]

You.

[tenebra_uk]

I think we can handle 2 targets at a time :grngrin:

Someone should tell Underhand that we're talking about him :grngrin:

[2potscreama]

He's not on at the minute. Everyone else is though. Hello everyone!

[Whitewolf]

lol.Me?A target?
Well....okay

[2potscreama]

Rolled up newspaper of justice....

[tenebra_uk]

Underfur

[2potscreama]

:lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue:

[Whitewolf]

Hmmm.......
Maybe I shouldn't have cut my nails yesterday....lol

[2potscreama]

White Rug

[tenebra_uk]

This is better than Scrabble :grngrin:

[2potscreama]

Having your gums scraped is better than scrabble

[Whitewolf]

EEK!Not the rug!
*is reminded of BFalcon*

[tenebra_uk]

Hmmm...no claws...Underdog :grngrin:

[2potscreama]

This is great. We can take the mickey out of Understudy and WhiteWolf at the same time.

[tenebra_uk]

:grntngue:

[Whitewolf]

No claws,but I gots the teeth!

[tenebra_uk]

Undersized ones :grngrin:

[Whitewolf]

lol.
No they're not!

[Understudy]

Keep going..... :rollani: I almost smiled a minite ago! :grntngue:


:confused: 2potslightly-off-milka

[tenebra_uk]

Undertone :grntngue:

[Whitewolf]

Tene.........T.........
Arrgh,how can I make fun of Tenebra's name?!

[Understudy]

I'll be UnderBus pretty soon unless you get better at this (as in thrown self under)..

Tent-ebra ?

teZebra ? - ooh stripey!

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Hmm....what else........

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by Understudy

:confused: 2potslightly-off-milka

Thats poor.

[tenebra_uk]

Ah, you're not going to get any suggestions from me :grntngue:

[Warspite]

What was wrong with "Unbreakable"?
I found it very subtle, and moving.. :confused:

:eekblue:
oo, sorry , wasn't listening :blush:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Warspite
oo, sorry , wasn't listening :blush:

I'd noticed that, Warpied :wierdblu:

[Warspite]

Watch it Arnold...

[tenebra_uk]

wooosh *straight over her head*

Arnold?? :eekblue:

[Warspite]

Originally posted by tenebra
wooosh *straight over her head*

Arnold?? :eekblue:

HaHA!!

Arnold SchwaarzTenebra!!! :D :bounce:

*Really bad joke of the week award goes to - Warspite!!

YEah--desultory applause etc.*

[tenebra_uk]

:wierdblu: I want to drink your blood

[Warspite]

It wasn't THAT bad...was it?!! :eekblue:

Anyway, you wouldn't want my blood - far too rich :D

[tenebra_uk]

Bad?? :wierdblu: You're right, I think I wouldn't want your blood...you never know, it might hold some of your sense of humour :wierdblu: :grntngue:

[2potscreama]

Somehow, the idea of sucking blood from an old mancunian fart doesnt have the same appeal to it as drinking blood froma buxom young virgin.

[Warspite]

Who says I'm NOT a buxom young virgin?

*it's MANCUNIAN - I don't come from China :devil: *

[2potscreama]

Erm... you do?

[Minos]

Originally posted by 2potscreama
Somehow, the idea of sucking blood from an old mancunian fart doesnt have the same appeal to it as drinking blood from a buxom young virgin. We went through this before, talking about victims of vampires in Hammer horror films when we were on the North American forum. Unfortunately they've now deleted all those old posts (several thousand of them, mainly from Diablo), but I seem to remember the key words were:

'Beautiful', 'innocent', 'young' and 'virgin'... with the possiblility of 'wide, terrified eyes,' (or 'wide, submissive eyes' if Dracula had already used his hypnotic powers) and, of course, 'heaving bosom' (the low-cut nightdress goes without saying).

I don't know if Warspite can provide evidence of any of these properties... :rollani:

[tenebra_uk]

Si, maybe you can :grngrin:

[Warspite]

Hey, thats fighting talk - Battleships don't wear frocks :eekblue:

[tenebra_uk]

How about nightdresses? :grngrin:

[Warspite]

No - I sleep in the buff :eekblue:

I love the feel of soft cotton sheets against my steel plating :D

[Diablo]

Hey...this trhead is only made for someone like ME !!!!


Hey...why the hack did you all forget TENNY-TUBBY ? :grngrin:

[tenebra_uk]

Thanks, Di :wierdblu: You made my day :rollani: Right, why don't you remind everybody about the Tene-bra as well :wierdblu:

[Diablo]

You mean "Tiny-bra".... :grntngue:

[tenebra_uk]

:lolblue: That was the other option :lolblue:

[Diablo]

Well...but I know your size, so..... :grntngue:

[2potscreama]

Bleah...

[Diablo]

Originally posted by 2potscreama
Bleah...

What´s that? :grntngue:

[2potscreama]

Thats "I cant think of anything intelligent to post right now, but I cant be buggered to do any work either, so I'm gonna post rubbish in the hope of starting a conversation."

[Diablo]

Bleah...

[Warspite]

Get some work done you workshy fop!! :D

[Diablo]

Hey..I am university student....I can be workshy.... :grngrin: I got the licsense.. :grngrin:

[Warspite]

I work in a University - and I can't take students anymore :mad:

I don't know about Germany, but all the students here all seem to be called Jocasta and come from big houses in Berkshire, and mummy picks them up at the end of term in the Range Rover...*grates teeth*

The poor kids don't get a chance anymore :madred:

[tenebra_uk]

I had to go to uni by coach (it was only 20 miles from home :rollani: ), the building was freezing cold and when it snowed it took about an hour to walk from the station to the building :rollani:

[Diablo]

Originally posted by Warspite
I work in a University - and I can't take students anymore :mad:

I don't know about Germany, but all the students here all seem to be called Jocasta and come from big houses in Berkshire, and mummy picks them up at the end of term in the Range Rover...*grates teeth*



yep ! Same here... :grngrin: :tup: :coolred:

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by Warspite
I work in a University - and I can't take students anymore :mad:

I don't know about Germany, but all the students here all seem to be called Jocasta and come from big houses in Berkshire, and mummy picks them up at the end of term in the Range Rover...*grates teeth*

The poor kids don't get a chance anymore :madred:

Dont get me started...

[tenebra_uk]

Could you ever imagine any Range Rovers here? :grngrin:

http://www.uniurb.it/Urbino/images/Piazza_n.jpg

Aaah, how lucky was I... :grntngue:

[Diablo]

Spiled Child ! :grngrin:

[Whitewolf]

Hehe.
I wonder if the spoiled ones who slept in the dorms ever cried due to hoomesickness.....

[Diablo]

hmm...homesickness? Lack of money I would say... :grngrin:

[tenebra_uk]

Sentimental... :rollani:

[Whitewolf]

I have heard of some who do at my college dorms.Scary....

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
Hehe.
I wonder if the spoiled ones who slept in the dorms ever cried due to hoomesickness.....

I made some students cry once. It was last day of term and there was a mad rush of losers who hadnt done any coursework all year and were trying to get it all done at the end of a Friday afternoon.

Of course, they all wanted to print in color, and we only have one networked color printer that the students can use (cos we're not stupid enough to give them more than one).

I go home at 4:30pm on a Friday. At 4:45pm there will still students coming in to print off work. I told everyone they had exactly 5 minutes to leave. Most ignored me. After all, the sun shines out of their backsides, right?

So when, at 4:50pm, I tripped the mains to all the PC's and told everyone to fcuk off cos I was off to the pub, there were a lot of tears.

Ahh. Bless 'em.

[Whitewolf]

Evil!
But they deserved it anyway-they shouldn't have left things to the last minute.

[Warspite]

I finish at 4 on a Friday..just thought I would mention that :D :D

[2potscreama]

Yeah, but you're a git anyway.

[Whitewolf]

lol.
That's harsh :D

[2potscreama]

Possibly, but that doesnt change the fact that he's a git, does it?

And he called me workshy...

[Whitewolf]

Ouch!

[2potscreama]

I know. Calling me workshy. Sheesh. You know he even takes 2 hours for lunch? At the pub?

[Whitewolf]

Whoa!
What does he do there?

[2potscreama]

Bugger all.

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by 2potscreama
Bugger all.

Does he? :eekblue: x-rated pub, I assume... :confblue:

[Understudy]

Someone needs a rest.... or a job...! :grngrin:

[tenebra_uk]

I'd say both :grntngue:

Right now I've got enough energy to power a medium sized town :eekblue: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! :bigeye:

[Understudy]

Kinetic or potential?

[tenebra_uk]

:dark: I've been told I can raise things from a distance :angel:

[Whitewolf]

Hehe,useful in stopping Diablo,no?

[Understudy]

Whitey..... you need to get out more! :rollani:

[Diablo]

Originally posted by tenebra
I'd say both :grntngue:

Right now I've got enough energy to power a medium sized town :eekblue: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! :bigeye:

Hmmm...I know where to use this energy.... :yum: :devil:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
Hehe,useful in stopping Diablo,no?

Quite the opposite... :rollani: See Di's post :wierdblu:

[Diablo]

You CANNOT stop me ! muhahahahaha !

ONlY if you.... ;) :D

[tenebra_uk]

Only if I...?? :wierdblu:

[Diablo]

:bored: :o

[tenebra_uk]

Yawn? :eekblue:

[Diablo]

:yum:

[Understudy]

Originally posted by Diablo


Hmmm...I know where to use this energy.... :yum: :devil: ??? Have you got a power shortage in a small town???? :grntngue:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Understudy
??? Have you got a power shortage in a small town???? :grntngue:

:lolblue: :lolblue: Read between the lines :tup:

[Minos]

Originally posted by tenebra
:dark: I've been told I can raise things from a distance :angel: My God! I don't believe it! I left that one for someone else... :confblue:

Has no one else got a warped mind on this forum apart from me (and Diablo)? :eekblue:

[tenebra_uk]

Weird, isn't it? :confblue:

[Minos]

Unnatural, I call it! :wierdblu:

[tenebra_uk]

Everybody's so well-behaved... :wierdblu: It feels like living in Utopia :wierdblu:

[Minos]

I'm not sure which is the more worrying – that they don't notice the double entendres, or that they do... but are too tasteful to follow them up...

[tenebra_uk]

Yep, it crossed my mind before... :blush:

[Understudy]

Personally, I was so upset that it went completely over WhiteWolf's head, that I couldn't manage to raise a response. :wierdblu:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Understudy
Personally, I was so upset that it went completely over WhiteWolf's head
:eekblue: Geez, that's a good shot

I couldn't manage to raise a response. :wierdblu: Always finding someone to blame, uh? :grntngue:

[Understudy]

Geez, that's a good throw Well, it was your ability to raise things from a distance :bigeye:

[tenebra_uk]

Sounds like you've been underestimated :grntngue:

[Whitewolf]

ooo,What have I been missing?

Hehe,there's only one thing that might stop Diablo.It's the Durian!
*is on a durian high*

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
Hehe,there's only one thing that might stop Diablo.It's the Durian!

:eekblue: Sorry, to an Italian mother tongue that sounds pretty...erm... :lolblue: :lolblue:

[2potscreama]

*has vague daydreams about Tenebra's Italian tongue...*

[Understudy]

I really don't think that you should be dreaming about Tenebra's mother's tongue...... :eekblue:



sicko! :bigeye:

[tenebra_uk]

:eekblue:

[Whitewolf]

lol.
Just like Sega's supposed to mean.....nevermind.
Anyway,the durian is supposed to be a tropical fruit.It's a bugger to open though.

[Understudy]

Originally posted by Whitewolf
lol.
Just like Sega's supposed to mean.....nevermind. :confused: What does it mean??? :bounce:

Originally posted by Whitewolf
Anyway,the durian is supposed to be a tropical fruit.It's a bugger to open though. Like a hedgehog then??? :grngrin:

[Minos]

I think you've left us all behind, Whitey... :bigeye:

Please explain both of those remarks! Clearly and unambiguously. Think of us as being completely ignorant fools.

I'd also be interested to know what 'Durian' sounds like to one whose mother tongue is Italian... :wierdblu:

...sounds like a hard one to me... :confblue:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Minos
...sounds like a hard one to me... :confblue:
You got it! :tup: :lolblue: Put it this way: if I ever was involved in marketing Viagra in Italy, I would have used that trade mark :grngrin:

As for Sega... :blush: Use your hands together with your imagination :grngrin:

[Minos]

Tricky... I can use my hands and my imagination to come up with a lot of things... :rollani:

My Italian dictionary tells me that 'sega' means 'saw' (both noun and verb), but that doesn't sound so bad. After all, Sierra is the name of a games company.

The first unfortunate word that comes to mind in the context of using your hands is 'clap' (as in the slang for venereal disease)...

...but there are all sorts of possibilities. Either tell me or give me another clue! :cry:

[tenebra_uk]

Your dictionary is right :tup: It's saw as well as a naughty w* word (for noun)

[2potscreama]

Originally posted by Understudy
I really don't think that you should be dreaming about Tenebra's mother's tongue...... :eekblue:

No, not her mother's tongue. Ingrate.

[Understudy]

:grntngue:

[Whitewolf]

I believe Tenebra has covered Sega.....
As for Durian,it's a fruit.
Think a spiked mace.Now,imagine that the mace has a lot more spikes,but they aren't so long.
ahh,I'll just get a picture.

[2potscreama]

Phallic symbolism ahoy!

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by 2potscreama
Phallic symbolism ahoy!

Spikey! :eekblue: I dare not ask... :blush:

[Whitewolf]

Spiky,and highly useful for thwacking someone you don't like.hehe :D

[tenebra_uk]

Clever as I am I would end up with the damn spikes deep into my own flesh :rollani:

[Whitewolf]

Well,you'll have to find someone who'll get the fruit first-it reeks of sulphur.
The taste is different though,it tastes heavenly.There's no comparison for it,actually.