Fafapanapoly!!!

[Hotwire_uk]

Sorry tenebra, forgot about your birthday.. ahem.. see.. eh... i got this new game, and i couldnt stop playing it .. and .. i forgot.. and then.. i was playin this game.. and then i was still playin it .. and .. stuff...:confusedb

[Tommy Gun]

how could you, i didn't forget tenebra's birthday, i was out of the country (well, bristol, but that is close enough).....and i didn't forget your 15th birthday last week, i just couldn't be bothered to say happy birthday to you.....

erm...so.....what was this game?

[Hotwire_uk]

You know *nudges tommy* the game *stamps on tommys foot* :weirdblue

[Tommy Gun]

oh yeah...:confusedb....the game.....:confusedb.....

i remember you talking to me about it......

my foot really hurts:sour:

[Hotwire_uk]

That's what you get for being a nibjit and forgetting things

[Tommy Gun]

sorry, but don't you remember *punches hotwire in the face* that thing we spoke of *puts a few stables through his hand* you know:weirdblue

[Hotwire_uk]

About your embarrasingly tiny genitals? :weirdblue *rubbing nose :(*

[Tommy Gun]

no, not that, the OTHER thing....*knees Hotwire in the groin, only to find no genitals*

[DriverIOW]

Wooo.......the beans are spilling in this thread.

Of course I forgot Tenebras birthday....I forget everyones birthday...even mine:frownblue , why didnt anyone remind me that I was actually 94 and not 16:lightbulb

Hotwire seemed to only just remember it was his birthday when he messeged me.

Please guys, feel free to send me a present in January:D

[Tommy Gun]

we sure will....:confusedb

i forget loads of things at the moment....

like i've lost all my set up discs for my PC...
like Windows XP and microsoft office etc.....

man i'm screwed if my computer crashes...:(

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun


man i'm screwed if my computer crashes...:(



#tenebra,Warspite,2potscreama and Fluxx cross fingers#

[Tommy Gun]

Originally posted by Fluxx
#tenebra,Warspite,2potscreama and Fluxx cross fingers#

:(

so that's what you talk about....

i could understand you and 2pot crossing your fingers....
and maybe even Warspite....

but tenebra...how could you....:frownblue

i've found all the disks under some paperwork anyway.....but it doesn't matter now....i might as well just shoot myself.....:sour:

[cranium]

happy b-day tenebra


:bounce: :bounce:

[Neilstylez]

Happy Birthday, Tenebra!
I don't really know who you are ( except for teh fact that you are a mod), but many of the people around here seem to like you a lot. So I wish you a very special B-day with tons of fun and excitement. :madred: :tup:

[Tommy Gun]

everyone likes Tenebra....
half of us like her even more....

she is also harsh, but fair.....
loving but sledgy wielding and not afraid to use it....even on completly new forum members....:confusedb

[tenebra_uk]

Hey, Sledgies need friends too :biggringr

Thanks guys :p:

[Tommy Gun]

we wouldn't say we all liked you if we didn't.....

and just so Warspite doesn't feel left out, we all like you too.....though in a different, battleship kind of way.....

[Minos]

Whoops! I seem to have missed something again...

Happy Birthday, Chiara... erm... whenever it was. Sorry. Erm...

[tenebra_uk]

Tu quoque, Minos :weirdblue

[Tommy Gun]

right.....

now i KNOW that isn't french....and it doesn't seem to be italian....

anyways.....Minos is SO inconsiderate.....:rolleyesa

maybe i should deal with him the same way i dealt with IOW, stand up to him, and get b***h slapped:sour:

[tenebra_uk]

It's Latin. Never heard of Ceasar's last words "Tu quoque, Brutus, fili mi"?? :lightbulb

"Tu quoque" simply means "You also". Now that I feel like a complete smart *** I can go to bed :rolleyesa

[Tommy Gun]

wow.....you're so great.....

not as cute as Zoe....but cute also.....

going to sleep isn't all that it is cracked up to be....
staying awak all night is by far the way to go.....

[Minos]

Originally posted by tenebra
Tu quoque, Minos :weirdblue Oh bugger*


*Bugger n. Originally a Bulgarian heretic, believed capable of any crime: one guilty of bestiality and unnatural sexual intercourse: a term of abuse, often quite colourless or even kindly. — interj. (vulg. coll.) used to express annoyance. [French bougre — Latin Bulgarus, Bulgarian.]


Originally posted by tenebra
It's Latin. Never heard of Ceasar's last words "Tu quoque, Brutus, fili mi"?? :lightbulb

"Tu quoque" simply means "You also". Now that I feel like a complete smart *** I can go to bed :rolleyesa As a matter of fact, no, I haven't. In English we were always told it was 'Et tu, Brute' (You too, Brutus) because this was how it appeared in Shakespeare's play.

Both are translations. According to the historian Suetonius, in his Twelve Caesars, these words were said in Greek - “Kai su, teknon” (“You too, my child?”). Shakespeare used part of a Latin translation, but omitted the puzzling 'my child', and replaced it with the name Brutus (or rather the vocative, Brute). It's not known why Suetonius thought Caesar should have spoken his dying words in Greek, though a number of suggestions have been made. In reality Suetonius probably invented the phrase; according to Cassius Dio Caesar only gave a grunt as he was stabbed.

[Tommy Gun]

yeah....i reckon i'd grunt if i was getting stabbed....

or roll a few profanities off my tongue....and then grunt....

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
yeah....i reckon i'd grunt if i was getting stabbed....

or roll a few profanities off my tongue....and then grunt....


can we give it a try? :bounce: :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

yeah that sounds like fun (alpha holds up switch blade)are you ready tommy?

[cranium]

you are wanting a broken brick, with some barbed wire wrapped around it for good measure.

tsk... switchblades! you need something blunt

[Alpha_uk]

ok then(alpha puts away switch blade and pulls out a baseball bat with barbed wire on it) this better?

[cranium]

much better! and more fun :tup:

[DriverIOW]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun

maybe i should deal with him the same way i dealt with IOW, stand up to him, and get b***h slapped:sour:

I dont remeber that happening:rolleyes:
Im sure it was the other way round.:confusedb
Happy bday tenebra.....even though it was probaly weeks ago and it just took me ages to reply
:D

[Alpha_uk]

oh it was her bday.............. oh no I forgot happy bday tenny........please don't hurt me......(wimper)

[Tommy Gun]

Originally posted by cranium
much better! and more fun :tup:

so....when is this happening......

could you please give me about 20mins warning so that i can prepare the towels to clean up the blood....:lightbulb

[Alpha_uk]

ok then we'll give you a warning.

[Tommy Gun]

thanks......

so i should be preparing for a baseball bat covered in barbed wire getting smashed into my face.....

and most probably a kick in the groin from Tenebra, because i will have no doubt asked her to smother honey over me by then.....

[Alpha_uk]

yes prepare for that

[Tommy Gun]

hang on....

so now Alpha, Cranium, Hotwire, 2pot, Fluxx, Warspite, Tenebra and maybe Minos...all want me dead...or at least severly injured....

I might as well try to fit in and decide to hate Tommy also...:frownblue:lightbulb

[Alpha_uk]

I don't want you dead its just if I was on your side I'd be getting the baseball bat to the head too.

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
hang on....

so now Alpha, Cranium, Hotwire, 2pot, Fluxx, Warspite, Tenebra and maybe Minos...all want me dead...or at least severly injured....




We dont want you dead m8.................well, not until we've made you suffer........a lot.....:bounce: :tup:

[Tommy Gun]

oh...:frownblue

but surely there must be some rivalry....as to who gets to deliver the killing blow....

*tries to spark off dispute so that he can sneak away...*

[Alpha_uk]

(Alpha blocks way out)not so fast m8 anyway I think tenny should deliver the killer blow.

[Tommy Gun]

same here.....with her bare fists....

a lady's touch is all it needs.....in this case, "it" being the torture and execution of a sad lonely guy.....

[Fluxx]

Its not the killer blow thats fun.................:frownblue


Its the weeks of suffering before that makes us smile.........:D :tup:

[Tommy Gun]

WEEKS!...oh boy....

well.....at least i'll be spending time with Tenny....:lightbulb

[Alpha_uk]

unless we tell her only to come to give the death blow

[Tommy Gun]

oh please don't......

i'll pay you....actually....no wait......did i just offer to pay someone to make sure there are more people torturing me.....that's mad..:eek::lightbulb

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
WEEKS!...oh boy....

well.....at least i'll be spending time with Tenny....:lightbulb


You wont know who youre spending time with once your ears are blocked and your eyes are peeled..........:bounce: :tup:


It'll just be darkness and pain........LOTS of pain.....:dark:

[tenebra_uk]

I'll pop in for the odd blow :biggringr

[Tommy Gun]

yeah....but i'll feel her soft skin against mine.....




as she repeatedly punches my face.....

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
yeah....but i'll feel her soft skin against mine.....



You cant feel much through constantly healing scar tissue........:bounce: :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

yes I'll bring my sword

[Hotwire_uk]

And you would probably be knocked out in the first blow, against an experienced fighter like herself :p:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
as she repeatedly punches my face.....

I'd be more likely to kick you with my stilettos, just to avoid any direct physical contact. :biggringr

[Tommy Gun]

oh...:(.....so i should be preparing for a kick in the groin...:(

nah....i doubt they will knock me out...

they need me awake in order to feel the pain...:sour:

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun


they need me awake in order to feel the pain...:sour:


No problem.......the drugs will keep you chipper m8......... :bounce: :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

fine we'll take a break every 5 mins

[Tommy Gun]

5mins.....i thank your merciful souls....

and the drugs.....what drugs:bounce:

i recommend pentazamine for those who wish to attck me with ranged weapons....

[Alpha_uk]

hmmmm I'll go to the chemists to get that.

[Hotwire_uk]

I'll order a crossbow off e-bay, and would i be able to get some of those pentanaidmaizones on e-bay too? :lightbulb

[Alpha_uk]

Probably I'll bring my brass knucks that outa bust some face.

[Fluxx]

Thats not too subtle, is it?

And he wont last long that way either...........:frownblue :dark: :frownblue

[tenebra_uk]

Can we use safety pins??? :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

I was also thinking of cotton sticks but I haven't quite worked out how :confusedb

[Tommy Gun]

use whatever....

and also, to stop me passing out from blood loss, i recommend some thrombin to put over cuts and instantly clot the blood.....

after putting salt into them ofcourse....:lightbulb

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by tenebra
Can we use safety pins??? :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

I was also thinking of cotton sticks but I haven't quite worked out how :confusedb



Safety pins are good.........:bounce: :tup:


By cotton sticks, do you mean cotton buds?

Because, surely cotton buds and a strong caustic solution could be put to many good (and painful :devil: ) uses........:tup:

[Tommy Gun]

like in the eyes.....

and they can also be used to apply the Thrombin [n] an enzyme that acts on fibrinogen in blood causing it to clot

that way i won't pass out due to loss of blood....me awake = me feeling pain.....that's what you want isn't it?

[Alpha_uk]

yes thats right.

[Tommy Gun]

jolly good chaps....

keep up the good work....:lightbulb

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
me awake = me feeling pain.....that's what you want isn't it?



OH YES!!!!!!!!

[Tommy Gun]

you sound a little too excited by that:weirdblue

also, i think knives are a good idea....big, F off shiney ones....guns for show, knives for a pro....

[Alpha_uk]

Yes and Tommy for half time do you want coffee or tea? and for you wounds viniger or salt or pherhaps both?

[Tommy Gun]

is that tea or coffee to be poured over me....cos in which case, i'd like coffee, smells nicer....:bounce::tup:

[Alpha_uk]

Ok......... Coffee what about you fluxx?

[Fluxx]

Tea for me please....and biccies........:tup:


And I was thinking more of razors myself............rusty ones.......:dark: :tup:

[Tommy Gun]

that reminds me...i should shave before this all starts....

i don't won't you lot to think i'm a ruffian.....must be looking good for my torturers...:lightbulb



i don't suppose i could get one of your biccies as well....:tup:

[Alpha_uk]

Sure what kind?

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun




i don't suppose i could get one of your biccies as well....:tup:



In your dreams torture boy.............:dark: :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

but what kind fluxx?(Alpha signals to tommy that he'll sneak him one when the others are'nt looking)

[Tommy Gun]

thanks...

remember Fluxx....i need to eat if you want me to live.....

and drink....Guinness maybe....(or is that a little too hopeful)
http://www.john-martin.be/img72dpi/guinness.jpg

[Fluxx]

Anything apart from creames and borbons (Fluxx signals to Tommy that alpha will be in the next rack to him if hes not careful :dark: )

[Tommy Gun]

how bout the Guinness though....:yum:

[Alpha_uk]

(Alpha gets scared and signals to Fluxx he'll behave) sorry tommy.

[Tommy Gun]

oh......I'll just have to imagine drinking it.....

i don't suppose you have some water instead....

[Fluxx]

Its torture..........????????????:confused: :lightbulb


We might get you some Pimms.........:tup:

[Alpha_uk]

yeah I'll stick it in the fridge right now.

[Fluxx]

Dont forget to keep the bottle............:dark:

[Tommy Gun]

oh god.....that's almost as bad for masculinity as archers aqua......

[Fluxx]

Ya know you want it.........:lightbulb :confused: :eekblue: :tup:

[Tommy Gun]

:lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue: :lolblue:

nuff said

[Fluxx]

well its either that or babycham and Snowballs........:lightbulb :tup:

[Tommy Gun]

how about, Toilet Cleaner.....that should do the trick.....

[cranium]

My favourite tipple is nice cool tall glass of domestos with a tiolet duck chaser.

Top stuff!
Stay away from the ajax though, thats nasty stuff! :yum:

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by cranium

Stay away from the ajax though, thats nasty stuff! :yum:



Gritty too........:frownblue

[Alpha_uk]

Hmmmmm can we get back to talking about beating the pulp out of tommy.

[Fluxx]

Fire away........:yum:

[Alpha_uk]

Ok for extra pain I say we nail his feet to the floor.

[Fluxx]

What about putting broken glass under his feet and then nailing them to the floor........:bounce: :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

Ha a great idea turned brill by the mod next door

[Fluxx]

Well its a start.........:tup:

[Tommy Gun]

how about using a soldering iron on the back of the hand....believe me...THAT HURTS!

Edit: just found some other stuff....

get this stuff
Nitroglycerin - bought in chemists, used to treat the symptoms of angina (chest pains)
Ammonium Nitrate - fertilizer
Sodium Nitrate - fertilizer
Gasoline - petrol

there we go....we have dynamite....

now to shove it into little sacks inbetween my fingers...:lightbulb

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun


now to shove it into little sacks inbetween my fingers...:lightbulb


I was thinking more along the lines of .......peeling your fingers like over-ripe bananas, dipping the exposed bones in salt and sellotaping you fingers closed again............:coolred:


Im wondering how many times we can repeat this before you passout......:confused:

[Tommy Gun]

as long as we use that thrombin to clot the blood i was talking about....quite a few times.....

so maybe the dynamite sacks could go between my toes....

[Alpha_uk]

yes then we could force you to drink a bottle of cod liver oil(shudder) and wait for you to soil yourself.

[Fluxx]

I'd like to think that would have already happened...............:lightbulb

[Alpha_uk]

Ok but cod liver oil tastes horrible anyway so lets just give him it

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Alpha
Ok but cod liver oil tastes horrible anyway so lets just give him it



Im beginning to warm to you, young man...........:tup:

[Alpha_uk]

Thank you:biggringr also give him paper cuts between the fingers like in jackass

[Tommy Gun]

how about using sand paper on the scalp until you get through the hair and skin, to the skull:lightbulb

[Fluxx]

I dont think sandpaper would get through your hair m8....:lolblue: :lolblue:

But thanks for the input.......:tup:

[Hotwire_uk]

Rofl so true.. so true...:bounce:

[Alpha_uk]

How about a power sander you know the one they use for desks that'll smooth out his head:dark:

[Fluxx]

I think you'd have to start with a chainsaw, before moving onto the sander m8...:tup:

[Alpha_uk]

Hmmmmm yes also to torture him put a slice of pizza and a pint on a desk in front of him while he's tied down..............so close yet so far.

[Hotwire_uk]

Then by the time we get through his head, the pizza will have gone soggy

[Alpha_uk]

And the pint will have gone flat

[Hotwire_uk]

And poor tommy will be angry :bounce:

[Alpha_uk]

And then we drug him to make him happy again:p:

[Hotwire_uk]

Why do we hate tommy so much anyway? Is it just because hes a c*cknose?

[Alpha_uk]

we don't hate him he's just so easy to beat up

[Hotwire_uk]

Oh...thats good enough, carry on!

[Alpha_uk]

ok then (Alpha continues to hammer tommy)

[Hotwire_uk]

I think we beat him unconscious.. he hasnt posted in like.. donkeys

[Alpha_uk]

hmmm(Alpha slaps tommy) nobodys home:devil: :devil:

[Fluxx]

Hes on his holidays...............:D :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

OH NO tommys away that kinda screws up our plans

[Fluxx]

Just give us more time to fine tune them..............:dark: :tup:

[Alpha_uk]

yes and when he comes back bang! club to the back of the head and then he wakes up to find he is tied down surronded by mods and in the centre is the final assasin with the cod liver oil:tup: :dark:

[Fluxx]

And a large meat-basting syringe...........:tup:

[Hotwire_uk]

Can we cook bacon on him?

[Alpha_uk]

no the bacon will be wasted with the blood .

[Tommy Gun]

i'm back to take the brunt of your master *sniggers* plan.....:lolblue:

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
i'm back to take the brunt of your master *sniggers* plan.....:lolblue:


Saying 'the brunt' implies you intend to take the majority of the pain......:confused:

In reality, you will be taking all the pain we can deal out.......:tonguegre :tup:

(Unless one of us has a hernia through laughing too much........:eekblue: )

[Tommy Gun]

highly unlikely....

i'm sure many will have passed out through the sheer pleasurable thought of inflicting pain...therefore it is unlikely that you will be able to deliver half as much pain as you intended:p:

[Alpha_uk]

oh I can deliver more pain than you can even think about and I won't pass out .

[2potscreama]

Yeah, cos you're so hard you are. You're an assassin, honest.

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Alpha
oh I can deliver more pain than you can even think about and I won't pass out .
What, do you normally pass out when inflicting pain? Amateur :lolblue:

[Alpha_uk]

No of course I don't:sour: and I'm a pro (alpha whispers under his breath) I love tenebra




You dont want to do that Alpha........trust me.......you dont

[Tommy Gun]

Originally posted by Alpha
No of course I don't:sour: and I'm a pro (alpha whispers under his breath) I love tenebra




You dont want to do that Alpha........trust me.......you dont

that's for sure:rolleyes:

i said i loved tenebra, and then recieved threatening PMs from 2pot.....scary:confusedb

[Alpha_uk]

I'm not scared ermmm:confusedb yeah well ummmm (well thanks for changin the post but really why'd you have to replace it with THAT loving tenny is tommys job an besides I've got a girlfriend)

[Fluxx]

I would have thought that ,like a sailor, an 'Evil Assassin' would have a girl in every port/city...........:confused:

[Alpha_uk]

nope I'm a one women man:tup:

[Tommy Gun]

LOL!!!!

everyone knows they are just myths....:rolleyesa

[Alpha_uk]

well not any more:tup:

[Tommy Gun]

:eekblue:

OH MY GOD!

i think he may be serious......now that's a double first....

a one-woman man, and a truthful man....

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!

[Alpha_uk]

heh heh heh ah well i gotta big prob my bros stayin over tonight AAARRRRRHHHHHHH

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Tommy Gun
a one-woman man, and a truthful man....

I want one like that :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

[Alpha_uk]

well our speices is almost extinct its sad that no one is like that any more but hey tenny theres always hope:tup:

[tenebra_uk]

Originally posted by Alpha
hey tenny theres always hope:tup:

My last hope has been shattered :frownblue

[Tommy Gun]

I'm truthful....and i'm a one-woman-man.

though i'm not one of the mythical one-woman-men, because i'm restricted to one woman not out of choice, but the certainity that 2 or more miracles will not happen at the same time....:frownblue

i also do a lot of sport and am therefore quite fit....
sound good tenny?
*remembers what 2pot said*
i mean do i sound like a complete loser?
*rests asured of at least 1 more day of life*

[tenebra_uk]

Actually, I recall you mentioning going out with several beautiful ladies :rolleyesa

[Tommy Gun]

that's simply either social, or on a night by night basis....

i'd never have 2 ladies going at the same time...
you think about it happening to yourself...and feeling used, and worthless...and then it's easy to stay faithful...

[Fluxx]

Originally posted by tenebra
Actually, I recall you mentioning going out with several beautiful ladies :rolleyesa

And then he woke up?:confused:

[2potscreama]

Im going out with just one beautiful lady. And Im not asleep either.